Not really me

I have never been the girl who dreamed about her wedding and had the whole thing planned out and imagined from the age of 5. I don't have a clue what my dress will look like, I don't have colors picked out, I don't really have anything settled at all. I'm the girl who has always loved the romance of weddings, but never put much more than vague thought into her own. Even now, as I do start to think about planning, I find myself reacting much more strongly to things I DON'T want than to things I DO. So why am I spending so much time and energy obsessing over weddings and all things wedding related (while never actually finding inspiration for my own)?

I think it's avoidance. Avoidance of the real task at hand in my life right now -- Chinese.

Studying Chinese is one of the singly most boring and difficult tasks I have ever been handed. Studying a language full time is all about routine - previewing, reviewing, and the monotony of studying the same content for three weeks in a row (overlapping with two other sets of content, so each has a week of preview, study and review, respectively) - and I'm not a routine kind of girl. I mean, SOME routine, sure, but routine that consists of spending my evenings drilling flashcards for hours at a time? Or mumbling my way through dialogues and paragraphs? Blah.

So, my naturally obsessive personality has turned into a wedding starved beast. All that's in my head lately is Chinese grammar and American weddings.

Proof that this obsession is irrational? I have even less decided about what I want for my eventual wedding now than I did two months ago... before the obsession began.